It's 7:43 and the house is quiet. Both boys are fast asleep and have been for almost 20 minutes.
It's in these still moments when I finally have a chance to think, daydream, plan and breathe.
Mike asked me today if there is WiFi at the hospital where we plan to deliver.
Just in case.
I didn't like this question, but perhaps I understand a little of what he is feeling as well.
We're a long way away from each other in the final weeks of such a big life changing event, another child.
I suppose we are both filled with a bit of anxiety about the distance.
Owen came out of his shell today at preschool.
They said he talked all day long.
A good thing, because the past week he seems to have kept to himself, mostly his blanket and thumb.
This is an adjustment for him too.
Carter is still Carter.
Outgoing, non stop and lately a melt down man.
I suppose this is how he is dealing with all of these changes.
But there are moments still, when he crawls into my arms to tell me he loves me and I cherish those moments.
Last night he crawled into bed to snuggle, normally I send him back to his room.
But last night, I had a feeling and knew that these little moments won't always be available.
So I let him stay and I'm glad I did.
Another baby will change so many things for all of us.
This little one frequently gets the hiccups.
A funny little consistent nudge.
Then she also has her acrobatic hours, where I feel my tummy roll and softly push back any elbow or knee she extends.
My entire torso seems to be filled with baby.
I'm excited to meet her and see what her little spirit will bring to our family.
Perhaps in these quiet moments I should tuck myself into bed too.
I know sleep will be hard to come by very soon.
Even now I toss and turn all night, I have moments where I lay in bed wishing to be fast asleep on my tummy rather than my side.
I miss Mike.
Sleeping next to someone you love seems to take away any sense of anxiety or fear.
It leaves you with a sense of security and comfort.
So the rest of my quiet moment will be filled with a basket of laundry to fold and a bit of down time.